Liver Spots
tldr - MRI this AM in Cary - Purpose was to see if the spots on my liver in the CT scan look more like cancer or like benign hemangioma. In a first for this week, we got good news - The radiologist read says they favor benign hemangioma. 'Favor' strikes as mealy-mouthed, but seems to be radiology lingua franca.
The ceiling tiles throughout health care facilities are a uniform shade of sadness. OK, not exactly true - The sky view tiles in the Duke CT basement - Cloying, desperate, and nearly as saddening.
The cancer patient before me to the MRI gives her birthdate to the receptionist - Likely surpassed 'good morning' as her most given greeting.
She's arrived at 8:58AM for a 9AM MRI, and looks 60. Salutation reveals she's 7 days younger than I am. I later remark as much, but we don't speak further. Tempting to reassure her that neither one of us is here for a knee scan. Word of my stage 3 tumor might have made her morning a little more bearable. The rookie already in Cary for a 9:30 scan, and chatty. Looks fine - He can fuck off.
They lay me out on a stretcher for the IV - Previous episodes of fainting, and no one wants that on a Friday. Apologies, tired of IV needles this week. Buck up, buttercup. I choose Tom Petty for the music in the MRI machine. It all goes fine - Slightly claustrophobic, a crappy Petty song, but no 'Runaway Trains'. And they close with mostly Wildflowers album stuff, so that's nice.
Trying to read the look on imaging techs is my new hobby. May as well be tea leaves, tarot, and palms, given the success rate. Thomas seems quiet leading me out, but that may be just the contrast between my knee MRI experience and today's focal point.
Karen calls radiology and tells them to read the thing before the weekend. Risky, but pays off. Damn the 'favors', I'm focusing on the 'benign'. Clears a few swords from the ceiling.
(Incidentally, mild panic attack after re-reading the radiology results and typing this entry - Initially missed the section that said 'Indication: Liver metastases suspected' on the first read. Took some re-reading, googling, etc., to determine that 'Indication' means 'this is why we're doing this test', not 'these are the summary results at the top'.)
So now: I can't get away from the knowledge that I'll likely feel physically better this weekend than at any point in the next year. Time to stop wasting this time on maudlin journaling.
It could be so much worse. Access to the best doctors. Strong partner, family, and support systems. Good enough insurance. Flexible career. And an ass that won't quit. ~Ed