Preamble
Preamble - You may see some text like this when you come to this site:
'A $30 donation to CaringBridge powers Ed's site for one month.'
This is a call to donate to CaringBridge. First off, if they are paying $30 a month to host this site, they are paying about $25 too much. I'm not saying that you should not donate to CaringBridge - It's a great central (and free) spot to allow patients to communicate with loved ones. However, it seems like some folks have donated with the expectation that some portion of that donation benefits me directly (We're looking at you, user Treat Yo Self). The language that CaringBridge uses doesn't attempt to correct that impression. I find it slightly manipulative.
And now, on with the show.
Surgery tomorrow 7/15 @ 7:15AM, which means no food today, and colonoscopy-like prep tonight. I'm feeling good physically, while mentally anxious to get this procedure done.
Recap: The ~8 hour procedure will remove most of my rectum, and re-attach the healthy part of my colon to whatever small stump of rectum (close to the sphincter) they can leave in. That connection needs time to heal - So I'll have an ileostomy (hole in the abdomen that connects to the small intestine) for about 3 months. At least 90 days of a poop bag and modified diet. Then back in for another procedure to reverse the ileostomy and try out the repaired bunghole. All of this is best-case scenario.
They use a robot, so (barring complications) the incisions should be small. Doc says my relatively skinny frame makes the procedure more difficult. Patients tend to be in the hospital 2-3 nights. I like to think I'm a fast healer, so I'll be aiming to come back home Sunday. I also like to think I'm relatively healthy, but (spoiler) that isn't true at all. So we'll see how it all shakes out.
I've been dealing with fewer bouts of blood in my stool lately - Usually no more than once every 3 weeks or so. Started to think that maybe things were all healing up, but this morning that symptom returned. Surprise - COVID didn't kill the tumor.
Biggest dread is waking up from anesthesia Friday afternoon to a doctor telling me some kind of bad news. That's not necessarily going to happen, but it has the past couple times I've been under. As soon as I come to, it'll be time to start looking for clues in the faces and actions around me to get a sense of the situation. The weight of the styrofoam ice water cup in my hand and the urge to throw it at the printer across the hall after 'It's definitely cancer' - Those memories are clear.
I'm tempted to record more of what my expectations are for post-procedure, but it'd make for dull reading. It's enough to say that pre-procedure we were all hoping for the best. We'll deal with anything less than that as it comes. At a minimum, no driving for 2 weeks and no lifting over 5lbs for 6 weeks. Not looking forward to coping with my diminished capacity.
This afternoon, while on the way to Walmart for jock itch spray, the idea occurred to just keep driving. Never strongly considered it, but understood my desire to stay in this 'before' moment. Before, when everything might still be OK. Before the first impossibly difficult conversations. Before the 'last time' march starts. And then again, maybe it will all be OK. Maybe they get it all.
Karen had to cancel a vacation for next week in order to be around for post surgery support. I encouraged her to go anyway, but evidently she's taking the whole 'sickness and health' vow literally. Thankful for that, but sad to be the cause of missed vacations. The kids will go to Myrtle Beach Friday-Sunday, so should have a full mini-golf and pancake house report on their return.
Thanks to all of you for your support as we move through this shitty situation. Talk at y'all after.
~Ed